Where are we? Campbell Reserve Moore Street, Coburg Melways Map 30A4 Club Telephone: 9386 6238 Email: morelandcityfc@rocketmail.com
All members of the community are welcome.
Moreland City FC is a club that offers players the chance to train and compete in a friendly yet competitive environment with an emphasis on development and enjoyment of the game.
Winning UK cup for the forth time in five years. Grab a cuppa and read on, Wardy has a big report for you:
Ello lads,
I'd like to fank everyone for there efforts on Sunday, Wat a great day!
Five finals in a row winning four of them and only losing the other on penalties to Celtic, it was good to get our own back on them this year beating them in the semi final they didn’t even get a sniff.
We won four games and drew one. We started off a bit rusty but got better as the day went on. We went with a bigger squad this year as last years final took its toll on us only having a squad of thirteen. We had a squad of seventeen and I fink everyone had plenty of game time. We brought in some new players this year as some of the lads from last year weren't available due to injuries, holidays, family commitments and transfers.
Injuries: Janusz & Graham (If you are injured I expect you to turn up to cheer the lads on like Janusz did)
Holidays: End of season trip: Tony Stephenson, Ernie & Bobby Murdoch (need to get your priorities right!!!), Mind you Bobby did say if we win it there will be a slab for us (CHEERS BOB)
Family commitments: Alby (Grandchild's christening, I’ll let you off for that one Alby)
Transfers: Dan Kelton to River Plate FC, Free Transfer after all he is a swetty sock. Danny Vale to Singapore FC Transfer fee undisclosed. Adam Deguara to Smurfs FC Transfer fee small very small tiny infact $1.00 or 0.65p. Barry Dolan to Liverpool FC Transfer fee 2xpints Carlton draught. Good business that only paid 1xpint for him last year, Doubled our pint.
We had a few lads making there Manchester City debuts. Goalkeeper Sammy, Young Nick, Keith & Quinn. Also some UK cup veterans made a come back Aidy Russo & Leemans. All played very well and did the jobs they were brought in to do.
Our supporters were down on numbers this year, Hopefully they will be up again next year as we try to defend our trophy?
1st game; Manchester City 1 v 0 Chelsea, Goal scorer: Keith (pen), MOTM: Trevor 2nd game; Manchester City 0 v 0 Ayr United, MOTM: Sammy/Leemans 3rd game; Manchester City 2 v 1 Shrewsbury, Goal scorers: Quinn/Wardy jnr, MOTM: Quinn/Sacco/JC Semi final; Manchester City 1 v 0 Glasgow Celtic, Goal scorer: Aidy M, MOTM: Aidy M/Sammy UK Cup Final; Manchester City 2 v 0 Coleraine, Goal scorers: Aidy M/Trevor, MOTM: Aidy M/Martin
The squad for City, marks out 10. 1 SAMMY (a great UK cup debut played well every game, made some crucial saves at important times, faultless) 10 2 PAUL (did a great job some important tackles perfect player to coach will always do what’s asked of him ) 10 3 JC (Mr reliable won every header cool on the ball knock some luvly jubly passes) 10 4 SACCO (was superb every game in the air & on the ground & got his priorities right this year even put his Thailand holiday on hold for the team) 10 5 LEEMANS (hadn’t played with him for years it was great to get on the park with him again he could only play first two games but never lets us down. Can’t say the same for his boots. they are still at Eastern Lions clapping away. Big frill for him was being able to play in the same side as his son) 10 6 WARDY JNR (a little bit rusty after his injury in Germany three months ago was unlucky not to score more goals scored the winner after some great team play against Shrewsbury also made Trevor’s goal in the final robbing goalkeeper Eric (ex MCFC) and laying it on a plate for Trevor to put the game beyond doubt) 10 7 CHAPPY (worked really hard for the team was all over the park but did cost us our only goal against when he was linesman in first half of Shrewsbury game, wish I had started him now) 10 8 AIDY M (good to see him back on the park after being out injured last season turned the clock back with two quality goals in the semi and the final you had to be there to witness how good they were) 10 9 TREVOR (look the fittest I have ever seen him won headers chased lost causes took Knocks for the team and was rewarded with his goal in the final) 10 10 WARDY SNR (let side down only played first two games as knee was to sore but wanted to play with Leeman’s again was put under pressure to go on for last few minutes of final fanks lads) 11 DENSY DINSY DISNEY (not sure which one turned up ill let the other lads judge. made some good runs but looked Knackered after each one. A coaches delight when wanting to give everyone a run always put his hand up to come off a real team player) 10 12 MICK (making his third UK cup appearance gave us some great penetrating runs down the left flank put in some good crosses and chased back when needed) 10 13 MARTIN (always plays with a smile on his face, don't no where else you can have a smile. a solid performance best game was in the final when he kept there speedy left winger at bay always gets his body between man ball) 10 14 QUINN (or should I call him THE MIGHTY QUINN what a UK cup debut looked good in a City shirt and looked good on the park did a lot of work broke up the opponents attacks many times scored a cracking free kick bending it into the top corner of the goal to get us back on level terms against Shrewsbury) 10 15 AIDY R (back in a City shirt after a few years absent played where ever I wanted him to and did a great job for the team looked like he was enjoying him self out there) 10 16 KEITH (debut he was well up for it. another great signing work very hard for the team broke up play after play and was involved in some of our better moves. Man enough to take the penalty on his debut I like that) 10 17 YOUNG NICK (debut for land of the GIANTS and he’s only 13 came on for a little while in the first game to get a feel of the pace was well up for it in the second game got a few of touches always showing for the ball. hope it meant as much to him as it did to his dad Leeman’s being on the same park as your dad it doesn't get any better than that) 10 50 BOLLOCKS (We even had a cameo appearance from Steve Roebuck in the final was itching to get on for the last few minutes, had three good touches and laid the final pass of the day to yours truly) wasn't on long enuff to vote.
I like to fank Stewy for being our fotografa for the day. I know he likes his football and was impressed by the quality of the football the lads played. It was good to see Kevin turn up to watch his beloved City all kitted out in his sky blue. Only two WAGS turned out this year Justine and Diane a bit disappointing on the WAG front!! but fanks for coming to cheer the lads. X We even had young Bollocks, Liam there to cheer us on a true City fan.
And finally I like to take this opportunity on behalf of myself and the lads to say a big FANK YOU to Fergus and his WAG Stan for making sure there was cold drinks fruit sweets and for not drinking all the beer behind the Eastern Lions bar so there was some left for us after the final!!
Cheers Fergus Cheers Stan hope you enjoyed the day as much as we all did? Fanks for everything not only for the UK cup but from MCFC for the whole year. We always finish the day off with our traditional crispy dook at China Max.
And that ends another long full UK cup day. Luvly Jubly.
Well done lads a great day for one and all.
Cheers love WARDY X CTID MANCHESTER CITY FC UK CUP WINNERS 2007 2008 2009 2011
New Appointment to Coaching Staff for season 2011
There's a new addition to the First Grade Coaching Staff for next season. It is my pleasure to announce that Aidy Mathers will be joining the staff as a assistant coach for the 2011 season. His experience and knowledge of the game will further compliment the first team's current dyanmic duo of Maurice Bissetto (Senior Coach) and Bobby Pianalto (Assistant Coach). He is a welcome addition to the coaching staff and he will no doubt be a great asset in taking our club to another level. Please join me in congratulating Aidy.
Moreland Golf Day 2010
The Moreland City golf Day was held on the 12th December at Northcote Golf Club.
Seven groups of four- Morelantina, MMVCA, Liverpool, Juve, Florentina, Lord of the Dance, Man City - managed to make the 8 a.m. tee off time on Sunday morning (a major achievement in itself).
Played in trying conditions, there was some great golf on display but it was MMVCA who eventually claimed the championship with some questionable handicaps and an overall nett score of 22.
Robert 'Airbags' Pianalto, Darren 'Up the Middle' Bettridge, Chris 'Iceman' Dodorico and Andrew 'Urls' Urli made up the winning combination and each received a trophy and some golf balls for their efforts over a bbq and beer back at the Cambell Reserve Clubrooms.
Other awards went Daniel 'had to be seen to be believed' Ward for closest to the pin and Steve 'got lucky on that one' Sacco for longest drive.
Special thanks goes to Bobby 'experience counts' Murdoch and Ollie 'Mr Conservative' Artavilla for all their organisation and special efforts in keeping the Moreland Golf Day tradition alive.
Saturday, 7th November saw Moreland City Football Club gather at the Ultima Reception Centre for the annual presentation night. It was a great night with the following people being recognised for their outstanding contribution to the club - on and off the field - during Season 2009:
Seniors Bobby Murdoch Medal - Ryan Dinse, Janusz Podgorski and Lucca Lucchesi Coaches Award - Paul Donnelly Leading Goal Scorer - Ryan Dinse (10 goals)
Reserves Stan Lee Medal - Mick Cronin Coaches Award - Franco Saladino Leading Goal Scorer - Nathan Chapman (15 goals)
Reds Best & Fairest - Chris Linnett Hardman Award - Finn Bradshaw Most Improved - Andrew Linnett
Marshal Lock Award (Best Clubman Award) Fergus
2008 Presentation Dinner
Saturday, 11th October saw Moreland City Football Club gather at Vivaldi’s Restaurant for the annual presentation night. It was a great night with the following people being recognised for their outstanding contribution to the club - on and off the field - during Season 2008:
Seniors Bobby Murdoch Medal - Steve Rada Coaches Award - Luca Lucchesi
Reserves Stan Lee Medal - Joe Cavoli Coaches Award - Simon Jokic (Tiger)
Marshal Lock Award (Best Clubman Award) Joint Winners - Mark McDonald & Maurice Bisetto
Click on the below image to see some of the photos from the night
Coaches Report: 2007 Season
What a season 2007 was!
Stage three water restrictions and league restructurings really threw out the challenge from day one.
With only one team to gain promotion to division one and three teams relegated to division three, it was evident through the pre-season that all clubs were spending big to compete for that one spot or, at least, stay out of relegation. Combine that with the fact that we had nowhere to train during pre-season and could not access our hallowed Campbell Reserve for home games until round 10, 2007 was always going to be challenging for a club like ours.
Highlights, however, were plentiful:
Undefeated against Pascoe Vale, Werribee, Altona East and Sunbury
A masterful display against Williamstown in round 10
Our first game at Campbell Reserve
Comebacks from 2-0 down against Altona City and Sunbury to draw 2-2
The 3-2 victory at Altona East
The 1-0 win in our mini grand final against Sunbury in Round 22
MANCHESTER CITY F C - THREE IN A ROW 2007 2008 2009
Once again Manchester City are the UK Cup holders, Back to back to back Champions for the 3rd year in a row - it don't get any better than that!
Three in a row never been done before. With four wins and one defeat Beating Celtic twice once in the group stages 2-0 and in the final 1-0.
We beat Shrewsbury 1-0 with a goal from our new Irish signing Mick and a great save from our goal keeper Swettee sock Dan (another new signing).
Then we played Sunderland and lost 1-0 although we should've won but we were guilty of missing some very good chances and made it hard for our selves to qualify from the group stage.
With Celtic winning there two games comfortably, we expected Sunderland to beat Shrewsbury which they did 1-0 so we had to beat Celtic buy two goals, I told the lads we let our selves down against Sunderland we are better than that, We've been in this position before and won it lets do it again this is our cup final now or were going home. We were only 30mins from our first beer of the day. But the look in everyone's eyes told me we weren't done yet. We started the game playing 4-3-3 but when the ball was in midfield it became 3-4-3 then wen the ball was up front it became 3-3-4 Celtic couldn't handle the pace the way we attack and closed them down given them no time on the ball at all. It worked as we went 2-0 up at arf time with two great team goals - one from Chappy and one from Ernie.
We brought on JC to tighten up the defence so we could hold onto wat we had. Celtic players started losing their bottle and tried to get stuck in but they couldn't match the MCFC boys. We know how to mix it up wen we ave to, and so it finished 2-0 - Job done! it was our best performance of the day and a real team effort.
Liverpool next in the semi, a game we won 1-0 with a first arf goal from another of our swettee socks Dinsey (making his second UK cup appearance). Dinsey ran on to a long high ball used his arse to bounce the ball past the keeper and turned sharp to put the ball in the net under pressure.
And so to the final where Celtic await us, They wanted to get revenge for the earlier drubbing. We lined up with the same formation as last time against them. We went 1-0 up by arf time with another well worked team goal, scored by Mick for his second of the tournament. On came JC for yours truly at arf time to tighten up the defence once again. Along side Janusz was another debutant in Sacco who came in for Fab at the last minute plus our resident hard man Adam De Guara. Even when Celtic did get past them, which was very few and far between, there was no way they were going to score past a Rangers supporter. Jr Wardy, Aidy and Ernie were dominating the midfield with Ernie and Jr Wardy doing all the hard work leaving Aidy as our play maker. Working just as hard was Chappy and Mick who Chased every ball and did not allow Celtic's defenders any time to settle on the ball which left our two target men to hold the ball up (big Ship in the first arf and Dinsey in the second arf).
Alby sat the final out as he was having trouble with his Achilles. All this with Furges And Stan Lee singing and cheering us on 'BLUE MOON, you saw me standing alone'.
Players rating out of 10
1/ DAN; Some world class saves. double up as a sweeper many times. 10 2/ ADAM; Mini me, Hard as nails loves getting stuck in. 10 3/ JANUSZ; Who's a pretty boy then ... always calm on the ball. Knocked some luvly jubly long balls. 10 4/ SACCO; Solid in the air. some great tackles. even went on a couple of mazies must of fort he was FAB. 10 5/ JC: A touch of class. on the deck and in the air. 10 6/ Jr WARDY. Captain. A steady performance work hard knock some great balls around the park. 10 7/ ERNIE. Got better as the day went on, man of the match in final. just needs to give his mouth a rest. 1 GOAL. 10 8/ Aidy; Mr consistent. loves playing against Liverpool. 10 9/ BIG SHIP. A little bit rusty as was in dock for a few months. also got better as in to the voyage. 10 10/ DINSEY. Didn't like beating Celtic there was a tear in his ear (1$). My type of player never wants to come off. Did so in final for the team as he was knackered; 1 GOAL. 10 11/ CHAPPY. Will run all day. did some great work for the team. did well on the ball. 1 GOAL. 10 12/ MICK. Our very own Robbie Keane. some blistering runs into the box. My man of the tournament. 2 GOALS. 11 13/ ALBY. Mr reliable. Always gave us an option out wide. Had a chance to make a name for him self in first game but dallied on the ball. 10 14/ WARDY ; No comment. 15/ STAN LEE; A little bit early Stan for Xmas as you were doing your Roodulf the red Bee sting nose. & carol singing. 10 16/ FURGUS. Brilliant commitment to day and all season. Fanks for everyfing from me & all the lads MCFC & Moreland City FC . 100 17/ SIR ALEX. Missing in action. Runners split on way to ground. 0
MANCHESTER CITY F C - CITY GO BACK-TO-BACK IN THE UK CUP
Manchester City won their second successive UK Cup winning all five games at Gardiners Reserve on Sunday, 16 November.
The day got off to a shaky start with Danny Vale and Janusz Podgorski deciding to lay in for an extra cuddle with each other as they hadn't seen each other for a week or so, while Tony Stephenson (a.k.a Duracell – because of his copper top) was customary late, leaving City to start the first match v Scunthorpe with only eleven men including two fifteen year olds and two fifty plus year olds!
The match against Scunthorpe was a largely uninspiring game as both teams tried coming to grips with the fact they were playing at 10.20 a.m. on a Sunday morning, but the breakthrough came in the second half when Trever Carson was brought down in the box for a penalty. The Big Ship picked himself up, dusted himself down, and converted the spot kick to give City a 1-0 win.
The second match of the day v Liverpool involved another 1-0 win with the winner coming courtesy of a great strike from our very own adopted red - Aidy Mathers. There was even a tear in his eye as the rest of the team celebrated around him. Mathers even had to sit out the next game so he could get his mind back on the job for the semi final.
As the sun rose higher and bodies started to feel the strain, football began to play secondary importance to survival and the quality suffered accordingly. City’s third match v Melchester Rovers resulted in a 3-0 win and was effectively killed off in the first half, as Jules and Ryan Dinse slotted home two early goals.
The two-goal buffer even allowed Jan Kvasnicka to come out of goal for the second half while Carson covered him in goal. Like a dog let of his leash, Kvasnicka chased and harassed Melchester at every opportunity and got his due reward when he scored City’s third goal with a well struck shot that beat the keeper at the near post.
City saved their best match of the day v Coleraine FC in the semifinals as everyone found an extra gear. A fired up Alby McCormack and Danny Ward led the way through their early intensity while John Camburn, Adam DeGuara, Podgorski and Vale repelled any offensive threat which came their way.
Carson scored his second goal off the day after Jules set him up with the easiest of tap-ins to give City a first half lead while Nathan Chapman scored the second, beating the keeper after playing a neat 1-2 with Carson.
City faced Liverpool again in the final and finished the day off with a hard fought 2-1 win after being a goal down. The equaliser came just before the half when young Julian scored with a sharp turn in the box, and the winner came with ten minutes to go from Big Ship, who managed to out jump Liverpool’s Fred Flintstone(Dibbsy) to head home a pin-point cross from young Aaron Ward on the wing.
There was no way back for Liverpool from there as City kept there shape until the end even with some very tired legs.
Team Manager Danny Ward was understandably very pleased with City’s all round performance.
“[It was] yet another great day and [they] made me very proud of each and every one of [them]. Once again it was a big frill for me playing for my beloved Manchester City with my son and [they] made it very special with all [their] efforts,” Ward said.
John Camburn - Brilliant all day loved to get on all the crosses - hence the name JC 10 Trevor Carson - Big Ship looked all at sea at first but came into dock with a goal in semi and the winner in the final. Finished with three goals for the day. 10 Nathan Chapman - Notch a goal - Consistent performance - tired towards the end of the final but still manage to take the long cut home to the Linc 10 Ryan Dinse - Another UK Cup debutante look nervous at first for got to bring his oxygen bottle but came good and got on the score sheet 9.5 Adam DeGuara - Solid performance even had his WAG there) DeGuara 10 WAG 11 Furgus - Furgal Sharky looked after the boys as he does all year a big FANK YOU) 10 Jan Kvasnicka - Best performance all season. Even managed to score an iffy goal with shouts of off side ref coming from all the City players as we no we will never hear the last of it) 10 Stan Lee - Couldn't get the smile off his face looked good in the City shirt from the seventies 10 Julian - UK Cup debut played with smile on his face wade in with two goal and a great assist in semi setting up Trevor for first goal 10 Aidy Mathers - The general in the mid field our very own Steven Gerrard. Best goal Against Liverpool had a chance to score in the final but couldn't pull the trigger so set up Julian instead 10.5 Janusz Podgorski - Played better once he let go of Danny Vales hand 9Justine - Ready to get kitted up if needed 10 Alby McCormack - Used all his experience and pace Mr reliable 10 Tony Stephenson (Duracell or Everedy just kept going and going) 9 WAG 11 Mum 11 Sir Alex 10 Aaron Ward - Another steady game took a few knocks for the team some quality corners and great cross for the winner in final 10 Danny Ward – Quality all day. Led the team with some great managerial decisions and lifted the team when required 10 Danny Vale - Bit sluggish to start with but better once he took off stockings and suspenders 10 Web Stuff Rags to riches
Reds' Finn Bradshaw tells Snoop all about Moreland SC at the Melbourne Cup ...
Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day.
Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world." Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world." Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the ugliest person in the world."
They decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified. Sleeping Beauty went first and came out looking deliriously happy. "It's official, I AM the most beautiful girl in the world."
Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am officially the smallest person in the world."
Sometime later, Quasimodo came out looking confused and simply stated, "Who the hell is Jan Kvasnicka?"
July
- Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him .
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks: "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "It's Keith. The midget."
- Roy ,on holiday from Ireland, was down Bondi beach but couldn't seem to make it with any of the girls so he asked the local lifeguard for some advice.
"Mate, it's obvious," says the lifeguard, "you're wearing them old baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer. They're years outta style."
"You 're best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos - about two sizes too small and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. I'm tellin'ya mate ... you'll have all the babes ya want!"
The following weekend, Roy hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, looking sick and laughing!
So Roy went back to the lifeguard again and asked him, "What's wrong now?"
"JAHEESUS!" said the lifeguard, "Maaaaate - The potato goes in the front!" August
Rafael Benitez sent scouts out around the world looking for a new striker. One of the scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar. The Liverpool manager flies to Baghdad to watch him and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Anfield.
Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Arsenal with only 20 minutes to go. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on the field he goes.
The lad is a sensation, scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool . The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star. When the lad comes off the pitch, he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football.
"Hello mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me."
"Wonderful," says his mum. "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street, your sister was gang raped, I was ambushed and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters. With this news, the young lad is very upset. "What can I say mum, except I'm so sorry." "Sorry?!" exclaims his mum. "It's your fault we all moved to Liverpool in the first place!
September
A bartender was washing the glasses, when an elderly Irishman came in. With great difficulty, the Irishman hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, and asked for a sip of Irish whiskey.
The Irishman then looked towards the end of the bar and said, "Is that Jesus down there?"The bartender nodded, so the Irishman told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey, too.
The next patron to come in was an ailing Italian with a hunched back, who moved very slowly. He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a glass of Chianti. He also looked down the bar and asked if it was Jesus sitting at the end of the bar. The bartender nodded, so the Italian said to give him a glass of Chianti, too.
The third patron to enter the bar was a Scouser, who swaggered into the bar and yelled, "Barkeep', gis us a lager dere la! Hey, is dat dat God's Boy down dere?" The barkeeper nodded, so the Scouser told him to give Jesus a lager, too.
As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to the Irishman and touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Irishman felt the strength come back to his leg, so he got up and danced a jig out of the door. Jesus went up and touched the Italian and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!"
The Italian then felt his back straighten, so he raised his hands above his head and did a flip out of the door.
Jesus then walked towards the Scouser, but the Scouser jumped back and exclaimed,
"Don't you f**kin touch me! I'm on Disability!" December A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z3 convertible out of the Showroom. Taking off down the freeway, he floored it to 120kph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
'Amazing!' he thought as he flew down the M1, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
'I can get away from him - no problem!' thought the elderly nut case as he floored it to 150kph, then 170, then 200kph. Suddenly, he thought,? What on Earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!' So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch-up.
Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, ' Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes, today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.'
The man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, 'Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back.'
'Have a good day, Sir,' said the policeman.
January
It was the end of the school year. The teacher had turned in her grades; there was nothing really for the class to do. All the kids were restless and it was near the end of the day. So the teacher thought of an activity.
She said, "The first ones to answer correctly the questions I ask may leave early today."
Little Johnny said to himself, "Good, I'm smart and I want to get outta here."
The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln."
The teacher said, "That's right Susie. You may go."
Johnny was really mad that Susie had answered first.
The teacher asked, "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
But before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King!"
The teacher said, "That's right, Mary. You may go."
Johnny was even madder than before because Mary had answered first.
Then the teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy piped, "John Kennedy!" and the teacher said, "That's right, Nancy. you may go."
Now Johnny was furious!
The teacher turned her back, and Johnny muttered, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"
The teacher spun around. "WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny said, "BILL CLINTON. CAN I GO NOW?" February
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces.
The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.
The Coroner tells the Inspector:
'First body: An Italian , 60, died Of heart failure while with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile.'
'Second body: 'Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the Lottery, spent it all on whiskey,
died of alcohol poisoning, hence the Smile.'
The Inspector asked, 'What of the third body?'
'Ah,' says the coroner, 'This is the most unusual one. Danny O,Neil, Irish, 30, struck by lightning.'
'Why is he smiling then?' inquires the Inspector. 'Thought he was having his picture taken'
Douglas the humble Crab and Kate the Lobster Princess were madly, deeply and passionately in Love.
For months they enjoyed an idyllic relationship until one day Kate scuttled over to Douglas in tears.
We can't see each other any more ..." she sobbed.
"Why ?" gasped Douglas ..
"Daddy says that crabs are too common," she wailed. "He claims you are a mere crab; a poor one at that and crabs are the lowest class of crustacean and that no daughter of his will marry someone who can only walk sideways."
Douglas was shattered, and scuttled sideways into the darkness to drink himself into a filthy state of aquatic oblivion.
That night, the great Lobster ball was taking place. Lobsters came from far and wide, dancing and merry making, but the lobster Princess refused to join in, choosing instead to sit by her father's side, inconsolable.
Suddenly the doors burst open, and Douglas the crab strode in. The Lobsters all stopped their dancing, the Princess gasped and the King Lobster rose from his throne.
Slowly, painstakingly, Douglas the crab made his way across the floor .....and all could see that he was walking, not sideways .... but FORWARDS...
Yes FORWARDS ! One claw after another !!!
Step by step he made his approach towards the throne, until he looked the King lobster in the eye.
There's a new addition to the First Grade Coaching Staff for next season. It is my pleasure to announce that Aidy Mathers will be joining the staff as a assistant coach for the 2011 season. His experience and knowledge of the game will further compliment the first team's current dyanmic duo of Maurice Bissetto (Senior Coach) and Bobby Pianalto (Assistant Coach). He is a welcome addition to the coaching staff and he will no doubt be a great asset in taking our club to another level. Please join me in congratulating Aidy.
